Steve Martin is a multifaceted American actor, comedian, writer, musician, and producer, celebrated for his iconic blend of absurd humor and clever wit. Rising to prominence in the 1970s through his stand-up comedy and frequent appearances on “Saturday Night Live,” Martin quickly became a household name. He transitioned seamlessly into film, starring in comedic classics such as “The Jerk,” “Planes, Trains and Automobiles,” and “Father of the Bride.” Martin’s comedic style often involves wordplay, physical comedy, and surrealism, captivating audiences with his unpredictable antics. Beyond his work in comedy, he is also an accomplished banjo player and has released several albums showcasing his musical talents. With numerous awards, including Emmys, Grammys, and an honorary Academy Award, Steve Martin remains a beloved figure in entertainment, admired for his creativity, versatility, and enduring contributions to comedy and the arts.

Steve Martin Quotes

1. “Be so good they can’t ignore you.”
— Steve Martin

2. “Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent.”
— Steve Martin

3. “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”
— Steve Martin

4. “It’s pain that changes our lives.”
— Steve Martin

5. “Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.”
— Steve Martin

6. “Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you’ll be a mile away and have his shoes.”
— Steve Martin

7. “Be undeniably good.”
— Steve Martin

8. “I thought yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life but it turns out today is.”
— Steve Martin

9. “The conscious mind is the editor, and the subconscious mind is the writer.”
— Steve Martin

10. “The greatest thing you can do is surprise yourself.”
— Steve Martin

11. “Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.”
— Steve Martin

12. “Or is it that I think too much?”
— Steve Martin

13. “Writer’s block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.”
— Steve Martin

14. “I’ve got to keep breathing. It’ll be my worst business mistake if I don’t.”
— Steve Martin

15. “The operation was a success, but I’m afraid the doctor is dead.”
— Steve Martin

16. “I’ve heard lots of people lie to themselves but they never fool anyone.”
— Steve Martin

17. “How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.”
— Steve Martin

18. “I saw the movie, ‘Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon’ and was surprised because I didn’t see any tigers or dragons. And then I realized why: they’re crouching and hidden.”
— Steve Martin

19. “I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.”
— Steve Martin

20. “No art comes from the conscious mind.”
— Steve Martin

21. “I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.”
— Steve Martin

22. “A father carries pictures where his money used to be.”
— Steve Martin

23. “First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.”
— Steve Martin

24. “It’s not the size of the nose that matters, it’s what’s inside that counts.”
— Steve Martin

25. “Chaos in the midst of chaos isn’t funny, but chaos in the midst of order is.”
— Steve Martin

26. “I don’t really manage my time. I really just wait until I’m inspired to do something. And when I’m inspired to do something, it just happens.”
— Steve Martin

27. “All I’ve ever wanted was an honest week’s pay for an honest day’s work.”
— Steve Martin

28. “I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.”
— Steve Martin

29. “You know what your problem is, it’s that you haven’t seen enough movies – all of life’s riddles are answered in the movies.”
— Steve Martin

30. “There’s someone out there for everyone-even if you need a pickaxe, a compass, and night goggles to find them.”
— Steve Martin

31. “I guess I wouldn’t believe in anything anymore if it weren’t for my lucky astrology mood watch.”
— Steve Martin

32. “I was always very shy but as I get older I think, What am I being shy for? You just grow weary of your own hang-ups.”
— Steve Martin

33. “I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper.”
— Steve Martin

34. “How many people have never raised their hand before?”
— Steve Martin

35. “I will do anything to look like him – except, of course, exercise or eat right.”
— Steve Martin

36. “You know when you’re telling these little stories? Here’s a good idea: have a point. It makes it so much more interesting for the listener!”
— Steve Martin

37. “You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither.”
— Steve Martin

38. “Love is a promise delivered already broken.”
— Steve Martin

39. “I handed in a script last year and the studio didn’t change one word. The word they didn’t change was on page 87.”
— Steve Martin

40. “Women have choices, and men have responsibilities.”
— Steve Martin

41. “Always make room for the unexpected in yourself.”
— Steve Martin

42. “As much as I remember, I just thought, I want to sing a song that starts normal and ends crazy.”
— Steve Martin

43. “Teaching is a form of show business.”
— Steve Martin

44. “I cannot smell mothballs because it’s so difficult to get their little legs apart.”
— Steve Martin

45. “My problem is that I don’t get the same exhiliration from success as I get depression from failure.”
— Steve Martin

46. “I could never be a woman, ’cause I’d just stay home and play with my breasts all day.”
— Steve Martin

47. “I was deeply unhappy, but I didn’t know it because I was so happy all the time.”
— Steve Martin

48. “I’m not a human being. I’m despicable and disgusting – but that’s where the money is.”
— Steve Martin

49. “I have no fear, no fear at all. I wake up, and I have no fear. I go to bed without fear. Fear, fear, fear, fear. Yes, ‘fear’ is a word that is not in my vocabulary.”
— Steve Martin

50. “As we get older we either become our worst selves or our best selves.”
— Steve Martin

51. “I’ve decided to take up smoking, my doctor said I wasn’t getting enough tar.”
— Steve Martin

52. “I believe you should place a woman on a pedestal: high enough so you can look up her dress.”
— Steve Martin

53. “Ah, yes. I remember my first beer.”
— Steve Martin

54. “If I screw up raising my kids, nothing I achieve will matter much.”
— Steve Martin

55. “Anyone who’s ever worked with Meryl Streep always says the same thing: can that woman act! And what’s with all the Hitler memorabilia?”
— Steve Martin

56. “If you’re studying Geology, which is all facts, as soon as you get out of school you forget it all, but Philosophy you remember just enough to screw you up for the rest of your life.”
— Steve Martin

57. “So, I can hurt now, or hurt later.”
— Steve Martin

58. “Always do business as if the person you’re doing business with is trying to screw you, because he probably is. And if he’s not, you can be pleasantly surprised.”
— Steve Martin

59. “She tried to get even with him through psychological warfare but couldn’t, because he didn’t care.”
— Steve Martin

60. “I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you’re an idiot.”
— Steve Martin

61. “I got a flue shot and now my chimney works perfectly.”
— Steve Martin

62. “Nothing I do is done by popular demand.”
— Steve Martin

63. “A friend of mine once asked how to make it in show business and I said “Be so good that they can’t ignore you.” She thought I was being flip but it’s true. The challenge is trying to live up to the opportunities given me.”
— Steve Martin

64. “I’m always looking for something to engage my imagination and take me on a little mental voyage. I just want a new topic in my life.”
— Steve Martin

65. “I just gave my cat a bath. Now how do I get all this fur off my tounge?”
— Steve Martin

66. “You kill me and I’ll see that you never work in this town again.”
— Steve Martin

67. “I’m for the Wall Street Occupiers. But will they accept me when they find out I sell packaged mortgage default instruments to children?”
— Steve Martin

68. “The Apple Pie Hubbub was a significant novel for me, because that’s when I first started using verbs.”
— Steve Martin

69. “It’s not tipping I believe in. It’s overtipping.”
— Steve Martin

70. “When I die, now don’t think that I’m a nut, don’t want no fancy funeral, just one like old King Tut.”
— Steve Martin

71. “The conscious mind is the editor, and the subconscious mind is the writer. And the joy of writing, when you’re writing from your subconscious, is beautiful – it’s thrilling. When you’re editing, which is your conscious mind, it’s like torture.”
— Steve Martin

72. “I used to think a wedding was a simple affair. Boy and girl meet, they fall in love, he buys a ring, she buys a dress, they say I do. I was wrong. That’s getting married. A wedding is an entirely different proposition.”
— Steve Martin

73. “Boy, those French: they have a different word for everything!”
— Steve Martin

74. “I am a wild and crazy guy!”
— Steve Martin

75. “A kiss may not be the truth, but it is what we wish were true.”
— Steve Martin

76. “The banjo is such a happy instrument – you can’t play a sad song on the banjo – it always comes out so cheerful.”
— Steve Martin

77. “There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught me with another woman. I won’t stand for that.”
— Steve Martin

78. “Some nights, alone, he thinks of her, and some nights, alone, she thinks of him. Some night these thoughts, separated by miles and time zones, occur at the same objective moment, and Ray and Mirabelle are connected without ever knowing it.”
— Steve Martin

79. “I actually learned about sex watching neighborhood dogs. And it was good. Go ahead and laugh. I think the most important thing I learned was: Never let go of the girl’s leg, no matter how hard she tries to shake you off.”
— Steve Martin

80. “I can juggle. I started juggling as a kid. And when I worked at Disneyland, I knew a juggler there named Christopher Faire, and he taught me how to juggle. I used it in my comedy act for a while.”
— Steve Martin

81. “Relationships end, but they don’t end your life. But people do often spending more time finding out about failed relationships than finding successful ones.”
— Steve Martin

82. “To be with another woman, that is French. To be caught, that is American.”
— Steve Martin

83. “There are few takers for the quiet heart.”
— Steve Martin

84. “I didn’t worry if a bit got no response, as long as I believed it had enough response to linger.”
— Steve Martin

85. “Home to me is when someone comes up to me and says, “Can I get a selfie?” No. It’s where your wife and your family are. It’s the emotional place where you feel like you’re not away from it.”
— Steve Martin

86. “An apology? Bah! Disgusting! Cowardly! Beneath the dignity of any gentleman, however wrong he might be.”
— Steve Martin

87. “You can’t really conduct your life by one or two phrases.”
— Steve Martin

88. “When someone less capable is ahead of me, I am not pleased. It makes me insane.”
— Steve Martin

89. “As a school board we felt it’s an unfair expense to families. The lawsuit has a certain logic to it – if you have free public education, you can’t put these things on top of it. It defeats the purpose.”
— Steve Martin

90. “A celebrity is any well-known TV or movie star who looks like he spends more than two hours working on his hair.”
— Steve Martin

91. “A remarkable memoir that’s packed with anecdotes, advice and humor, all while maintaining a high level of dignity and self-awareness.”
— Steve Martin

92. “It’s like painting the same blank canvas over and over and over and over and over. Once the concept is known, you don’t need to see two. And that was in the back of my head, that I was really done artistically with what I had created or pastiched.”
— Steve Martin

93. “She was feeling her bohemian oats.”
— Steve Martin

94. “I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks. Got a fur sink. An electric dog polisher. A gasoline powered turtleneck sweater. And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff, too.”
— Steve Martin

95. “I actually credit Twitter with fine-tuning some joke-writing skills. I still feel like I’m working at it.”
— Steve Martin

96. “I just believe that the interesting time in a career is pre-success, what shaped things, how did you get to this point.”
— Steve Martin

97. “A triangle with four points is what Euclid rides into hell.”
— Steve Martin

98. “Writing is something I took up rather than anything I had an inclination toward. I like acting -delivering someone else’s message – but writing is more of an accomplishment.”
— Steve Martin

99. “Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap.”
— Steve Martin

100. “I think when the movie ‘Roxanne’ came out, which I also had written, I felt something new that I never felt, which was respect.”
— Steve Martin

101. “If you’ve got a dollar and you spend 29 cents on a loaf of bread, you’ve got 71 cents left; But if you’ve got seventeen grand and you spend 29 cents on a loaf of bread, you’ve still got seventeen grand. There’s a math lesson for you.”
— Steve Martin

102. “The banjo is truly an American instrument, and it captures something about our past.”
— Steve Martin

103. “I was very interested in vaudeville. It was the only sort of discipline that was a five-minute act on stage, which is what I really enjoyed and saw myself doing. And I bought books on it.”
— Steve Martin

104. “I really enjoy finding the right word, creating a good, flowing sentence. I enjoy the rhythm of the words.”
— Steve Martin

105. “I just downloaded eleven hundred books onto my Kindle, and now I can’t lift it.”
— Steve Martin

106. “I’ve run into people in my life who were so dramatic; people who are so extreme and so frustrating to be around that you end up thinking about them and talking about them for literally years after your experience with them is over.”
— Steve Martin

107. “I have found that – just as in real life – imagination sometimes has to stand in for experience.”
— Steve Martin

108. “After one of my plays came out, I had mixed reviews, some bad and some good. One day, it dawned on me. I thought, ‘I wrote a play and he wrote a review, and that’s the difference between him and me.’”
— Steve Martin

109. “I think communication is so firsbern.”
— Steve Martin

110. “You know, a lot of people come to me and they say, “Steve, how can you be so funny?” There’s a secret to it, it’s no big deal. Before I go out, I put a slice of bologna in each of my shoes. So when I’m on stage, I feel funny.”
— Steve Martin

111. “There is something going on now in Mexico that I happen to think is cruelty to animals. What I’m talking about, of course, is cat juggling.”
— Steve Martin

112. “It’s not what you know, it’s what you think you know.”
— Steve Martin

113. “I would like a wine. The purpose of the wine is to get me drunk. A bad wine will get me as drunk as a good wine. I would like the good wine. And since the result is the same no matter which wine I drink, I’d like to pay the bad wine price.”
— Steve Martin

114. “You can’t make something beautiful by trying to make something beautiful. Something becomes beautiful in the process of trying to be something else.”
— Steve Martin

115. “I’ve put an umbrella in my mouth and opened it. I sat in a lemon-meringue pie. I’ve done terrible things to my dog with a fork…”
— Steve Martin

116. “Why sip from a tea cup, when you can drink from the river.”
— Steve Martin

117. “There are some people that will not pick up a phone and call you, but if you knock on a door and talk to them, they’ll talk back to you.”
— Steve Martin

118. “College totally changed my life. It changed what I believe and what I think about everything. I majored in philosophy.”
— Steve Martin

119. “If you feel tired midway through, give Neil Patrick Harris a Red Bull and throw some sheet music at him.”
— Steve Martin

120. “I have heard it said that a complicated childhood can lead to a life in the arts. I tell you this story of my father and me to let you know I am qualified to be a comedian.”
— Steve Martin

121. “To me, torture would be, “I can’t think what to write in the next sentence. I’m stuck.” Torture would be if you didn’t have the next idea.”
— Steve Martin

122. “I never touched a gun in my life. That and that alone forever doomed me to middle management.”
— Steve Martin

123. “I’m tired of wasting letters when punctuation will do, period.”
— Steve Martin

124. “Kids like my act because I’m wearing nose glasses. Adults like my act because there’s a guy who thinks putting on nose glasses is funny.”
— Steve Martin

125. “All of life’s riddles are answered in the movies.”
— Steve Martin

126. “I’m the leader of the platoon and I run gambling and lotteries, dances and I sell beer illegally. I’m a con man and I’m thoroughly lovable.”
— Steve Martin

127. “Comedy is a distortion of what is happening, and there will always be something happening.”
— Steve Martin

128. “Don’t have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.”
— Steve Martin

129. “She had destroyed whatever was between us by making a profound gaffe: She met me.”
— Steve Martin

130. “With comedy, you have no place to go but more comedy, so you’re never off the hook.”
— Steve Martin

131. “I just wanted to be in show business. I didn’t care if I was going to be an actor or a magician or what. Comedy was a point of the least resistance, really. And on the simplest level, I loved comedy.”
— Steve Martin

132. “I can understand the drug thing. So they feel that it’s more important to take the drugs than to do a good show for the people.”
— Steve Martin

133. “Halle Berry is here, whose win last year broke down barriers for unbelievably hot women.”
— Steve Martin

134. “The course was more plodding than heroic. I did not strive valiantly against doubters but took incremental steps studded with a few intuitive leaps.”
— Steve Martin

135. “We’ve taken what was just once a racetrack and made it a multifaceted gaming destination for the entire region.”
— Steve Martin

136. “He never complicates a desire by overthinking it, unlike Mirabelle, who spins a cocoon around an idea until it is immobile.”
— Steve Martin

137. “I’m not trying to be a big shot or anything like that, but I get my drinks half price.”
— Steve Martin

138. “I find animated movies very touching. They reach an audience that’s hard to get with a live-action film.”
— Steve Martin

139. “Lord loves a workin’ man; don’t trust whitey.”
— Steve Martin

140. “With comedy, you never know until you put it in front of an audience. You shoot it and a year later you have no idea if it’s going to work. And then you get the response. It’s great when it’s good.”
— Steve Martin

141. “Through the years, I have learned there is no harm in charging oneself up with delusions between moments of valid inspiration.”
— Steve Martin

142. “I never had a movie that I wanted to do turned down in my whole life. I always write the script first so it speaks for itself.”
— Steve Martin

143. “With a cheery delicacy she divided my obsessions into three categories: acceptable, unacceptable, and hilarious.”
— Steve Martin

144. “Comedians don’t get Oscars, so I gave up on that a long time ago. And I can’t really speak about the Oscar-worthiness of my own performance.”
— Steve Martin

145. “Lots of women are getting involved. They’re not satisfied just being passengers anymore.”
— Steve Martin

146. “When you’re reaching for a star, there’s a long way to fall.”
— Steve Martin

147. “Performing music is a way to do comedy, but without the obligation to do a solid hour, hour and half of a standup. I could intersperse it with music, so it became a really good format for me.”
— Steve Martin

148. “I’m trying to think of other ones. Oh, yeah, I’d say – somebody would buy something and we’d say, and because you are our hundredth customer today, you get a free paperback.”
— Steve Martin

149. “I would assign every lie a color: yellow when they were innocent, pale blue when they sailed over you like the sky, red because I knew they drew blood. And then there was the black lie. That’s the worst of all. A black lie was when I told you the truth.”
— Steve Martin

150. “I started a grease fire at McDonald’s – threw a match in the cook’s hair.”
— Steve Martin