Bob Hope was an iconic American entertainer known for his contributions to comedy, film, television, and live performance. Born Leslie Townes Hope, he rose to prominence in the early 20th century and became one of the most beloved and enduring figures in entertainment history. Hope’s career spanned several decades, during which he entertained troops overseas, hosted numerous television specials, and starred in countless films. He was celebrated for his quick wit, impeccable timing, and charming persona, which endeared him to audiences worldwide. Hope’s signature style often involved self-deprecating humor, topical satire, and memorable one-liners. His work earned him numerous awards and accolades, including multiple honorary Academy Awards and recognition as one of the greatest comedians of all time. Beyond his entertainment career, Hope was also known for his philanthropic efforts, particularly in support of the United States military. His legacy continues to influence comedians and entertainers to this day.

Bob Hope Quotes

1. “A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.”
— Bob Hope

2. “My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?”
— Bob Hope

3. “You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.”
— Bob Hope

4. “You never get tired unless you stop and take time for it.”
— Bob Hope

5. “Chiropractic is a wonderful means of natural healing!”
— Bob Hope

6. “I like a President who tells jokes instead of appointing them.”
— Bob Hope

7. “With today’s movies, if we took out all the bad language, we’d go back to silent films.”
— Bob Hope

8. “Your ignorance cramps my conversation.”
— Bob Hope

9. “Welcome to the Academy Awards, or, as it’s known at my house, Passover.”
— Bob Hope

10. “She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn’t help wondering from what direction.”
— Bob Hope

11. “A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.”
— Bob Hope

12. “If you haven’t got any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble.”
— Bob Hope

13. “Free speech isn’t dead in Germany and Italy, merely the speakers…”
— Bob Hope

14. “Middle age is when you still believe you’ll feel better in the morning.”
— Bob Hope

15. “I love flying. I’ve been to almost as many places as my luggage.”
— Bob Hope

16. “Golf is a hard game to figure. One day you will go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps and miss every green. The next day you go out and, for no reason at all, you really stink.”
— Bob Hope

17. “I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it.”
— Bob Hope

18. “I don’t know what people have against government; they haven’t done anything.”
— Bob Hope

19. “I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.”
— Bob Hope

20. “Don’t people know that they don’t have to heckle the president of the United States? That’s what Congress is for.”
— Bob Hope

21. “Failure is the only thing I’ve ever been a success at.”
— Bob Hope

22. “If you think golf is relaxing, you’re not playing it right.”
— Bob Hope

23. “It’s amazing how many people you see on TV. I did my first television show a month ago, and the next day five million television sets were sold. The people who couldn’t sell theirs threw them away.”
— Bob Hope

24. “I do benefits for all religions – I’d hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.”
— Bob Hope

25. “Congress may be going home for the holidays soon. How can you beat a Christmas gift like that?”
— Bob Hope

26. “Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.”
— Bob Hope

27. “When we recall Christmas past, we usually find that the simplest things – not the great occasions – give off the greatest glow of happiness.”
— Bob Hope

28. “Please don’t stand up on my account.”
— Bob Hope

29. “Bigamy is the only crime where two rites make a wrong.”
— Bob Hope

30. “Bing Crosby and I weren’t the types to go around kissing each other. We always had a light jab for each other. One of our stock lines used to be “There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for Bing, and there’s nothing he wouldn’t do for me.” And that’s the way we go through life – doing nothing for each other!”
— Bob Hope

31. “We’re on our way to the Persian Gulf. Wait! It’s a mistake! I thought they said Persian Golf.”
— Bob Hope

32. “I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything till noon. That’s when it’s time for my nap.”
— Bob Hope

33. “My folks were English. They were too poor to be British. I still have a bit of British in me. In fact, my blood type is solid marmalade.”
— Bob Hope

34. “If I have to lay an egg for my country, I’ll do it.”
— Bob Hope

35. “People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.”
— Bob Hope

36. “I have the perfect simplified tax form for government. Why don’t they just print our money with a return address on it?”
— Bob Hope

37. “Where else but in America could the women’s liberation movement take off their bras, then go on TV to complain about their lack of support?”
— Bob Hope

38. “My secret for staying young is good food, plenty of rest, and a makeup man with a spray gun.”
— Bob Hope

39. “Everyone’s nervous these days. Ronald McDonald has hired six bodyguards, and that’s just to protect his buns.”
— Bob Hope

40. “Television. That’s where movies go when they die.”
— Bob Hope

41. “I just hope I don’t have to explain all the times I’ve used His name in vain when I get up there.”
— Bob Hope

42. “Did you see where President Reagan finally got a hearing aid? People have been telling him to get one for years, but he couldn’t hear them.”
— Bob Hope

43. “I love to go to Washington – if only to be near my money.”
— Bob Hope

44. “I tell jokes to pay my green fees.”
— Bob Hope

45. “When you get over 95, every day is your day.”
— Bob Hope

46. “We flew over to England by the same route Churchill took. It was easy. All we had to do was follow the cigar ashes.”
— Bob Hope

47. “I do try to work out a little. I go swimming twice a day. It beats buying golf balls.”
— Bob Hope

48. “Television is the box they buried entertainment in.”
— Bob Hope

49. “Golf is a funny game. It’s done much for health, and at the same time has ruined people by robbing them of their peace of mind. Look at me, I’m the healthiest idiot in the world.”
— Bob Hope

50. “The audience was swell. They were so polite they covered their mouths when they yawned.”
— Bob Hope

51. “To give you an idea of how fast we travelled – we left with two rabbits and when we arrived we still had only two.”
— Bob Hope

52. “Our first stop was red square, the heart of Moscow – if Moscow has one.”
— Bob Hope

53. “As soon as the war ended, we located the one spot on earth that hadn’t been touched by the war and blew it to hell.”
— Bob Hope

54. “No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that’s why we have two parties.”
— Bob Hope

55. “Cypress Point is such a beautiful place, but it’s also very exclusive. They had a very successful membership drive last month. They drove out forty members.”
— Bob Hope

56. “Timing is the essence of life, and definitely of comedy.”
— Bob Hope

57. “You know, marriage is making a big comeback. I know personally that in Hollywood people are marrying people they never married before.”
— Bob Hope

58. “If you watch a game, it’s fun. If you play it, it’s recreation. If you work at it, it’s golf.”
— Bob Hope

59. “Miniskirts have become quite a fad. They’re even some guys wearing them. Don’t laugh, if you had thought to of that, you’d not be here now.”
— Bob Hope

60. “I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance – waiting for the bathroom.”
— Bob Hope

61. “One of the greatest gifts to mankind is laughter, and one of the greatest gifts to laughter is Lucille Ball. God has her now but thanks to television, we’ll have her forever.”
— Bob Hope

62. “We had a very successful trip to Russia. We made it back.”
— Bob Hope

63. “When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.”
— Bob Hope

64. “The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup.”
— Bob Hope

65. “My father told me all about the birds and the bees, the liar – I went steady with a woodpecker till I was twenty one.”
— Bob Hope

66. “I’ve always been in the right place and time. Of course, I steered myself there.”
— Bob Hope

67. “Democrats have an answer to the unemployment problem. They’re all running for the Presidency.”
— Bob Hope

68. “I left England when I was four because I found out I could never be King.”
— Bob Hope

69. “Some people put us down. But I still haven’t heard of any Americans trying to swim across the border into Mexico!”
— Bob Hope

70. “It gave dirty politics a bad name.”
— Bob Hope

71. “I only speak a little pigeon French. Just enough to get by with the little French pigeons.”
— Bob Hope

72. “I’m so old they’ve cancelled my blood type.”
— Bob Hope

73. “Kids are wonderful, but I like mine barbecued.”
— Bob Hope

74. “Don’t tempt me, I can resist anything but temptation.”
— Bob Hope

75. “Be happy you guys. Be proud! You know what you are: you’re God’s frozen people.”
— Bob Hope

76. “It’s not hard to find Gerry Ford on a golf course – you just follow the wounded.”
— Bob Hope

77. “Sure Vietnam is a dirty war. I’ve never heard of a clean one.”
— Bob Hope

78. “The Concorde is great. It gives you three extra hours to find your luggage.”
— Bob Hope

79. “Pebble Beach is Alcatraz with grass.”
— Bob Hope

80. “I’d give up golf if I didn’t have so many sweaters.”
— Bob Hope

81. “The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.”
— Bob Hope

82. “Celebrities have a way of touching our lives. Perhaps we are influenced by their screen image, or perhaps by their acquired status. Here are some celebrity quotes about Christmas. You will find that just like everybody else, celebrities also enjoy the little pleasures of Christmas.”
— Bob Hope

83. “Golf is my real profession. Entertainment is just a sideline. I tell jokes to pay my greens fees.”
— Bob Hope

84. “I see the Beatles have arrived from England. They were 40 pounds overweight – and that was just their hair.”
— Bob Hope

85. “Out here in the Pacific, they have typhoons and hurricanes that blow over 200 miles an hour. We have tornadoes and hurricanes back home, but I don’t worry about them. The mortgage on my house is so heavy that nothing could budge it.”
— Bob Hope

86. “My next door neighbor just had a pacemaker installed. They’re still working the bugs out, though. Every time he makes love, my garage door opens.”
— Bob Hope

87. “I’ll shoot my age if I have to live to be 105.”
— Bob Hope

88. “I’ll tell ’ya how to stay young: Hang around with older people.”
— Bob Hope

89. “The last time I played golf with President Ford he hit a birdie. And an eagle, a moose, an elk, an aardvark…”
— Bob Hope

90. “On one hole, I hit an alligator so hard, he’s now my golf bag.”
— Bob Hope

91. “I ruined my hands in the ring. The referee kept stepping on them.”
— Bob Hope

92. “I can still chase women, only downhill.”
— Bob Hope

93. “Lots of travel, away from home.”
— Bob Hope

94. “Culture is the ability to describe Jane Russell without moving your hands.”
— Bob Hope

95. “I was called Rembrandt Hope in my boxing days, because I spent so much time on the canvas.”
— Bob Hope

96. “There’s a very apt saying in show business: “If you don’t go over budget in Paris, you’re either very rich or very sick. ””
— Bob Hope

97. “I don’t do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.”
— Bob Hope

98. “The stealth bomber is supposed to be a big deal. It flies in undetected, bombs, then flies away. Hell, I’ve been doing that all my life.”
— Bob Hope

99. “Kissing is like drinking tea with a tea strainer, you can never get enough.”
— Bob Hope

100. “Sure, we did need the oil in America. How else could Dolly Parton get into some of her dresses?”
— Bob Hope

101. “Congratulations to whoever is finally booking music we love. It’s going to get us out of the house after dark!”
— Bob Hope

102. “Audiences are my best friends. You never tire of talking with your best friends.”
— Bob Hope

103. “I need money. I have a staff of 30, and four houses, never mind the government, to support.”
— Bob Hope

104. “I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.”
— Bob Hope

105. “It’s very frustrating making a picture in Paris. We work hard all day at the studio to get a love scene just right. Then, on my way home, I see couples on every street corner doing it better.”
— Bob Hope

106. “Zsa Zsa Gabor got married as a one-off, and it was so successful she turned it into a series.”
— Bob Hope

107. “Four of us slept in the one bed. When it got cold, mother threw on another brother.”
— Bob Hope

108. “Drugs are very much a part of professional sports today, but when you think about it, golf is the only sport where the players aren’t penalized for being on grass.”
— Bob Hope

109. “They’ll always be an England, even if it’s in Hollywood.”
— Bob Hope

110. “Today’s ballroom dances like the swim, the frug, the chicken and the monkey are really nervous disorders set to music.”
— Bob Hope

111. “Perfume acts as an anesthetic. By the time she floats a little your way, you’ll promise her anything.”
— Bob Hope

112. “I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead.”
— Bob Hope

113. “My old friend Jack Benny has only had one ball all his golfing life. And now he’s lost it. The string came off!”
— Bob Hope

114. “When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor’s Orphanage – he shot both his parents and moved in.”
— Bob Hope

115. “A few years ago he had a big heart transplant in Chicago, a five-hour operation. It took the doctors four hours to get him on the operating table.”
— Bob Hope

116. “Happiness is watching the TV at your girlfriend’s house during a power failure.”
— Bob Hope

117. “In England when you make a movie even the weather is against you. In Hollywood the weatherman gets a shooting schedule from all the major studios and then figures out where he can fit in a little rain without upsetting Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer too much.”
— Bob Hope

118. “I felt I wasn’t getting anywhere in England.”
— Bob Hope

119. “Bing Crosby and I play a lot of golf together and I have a small course at my place where we often play for side stakes. The only troulbe is that when I win, I always have to engage and attorney before I can draw the money.”
— Bob Hope

120. “A very, very religious man. Every time I eat a peanut, I feel immortal.”
— Bob Hope

121. “Tokyo cab drivers are all ex-kamikaze pilots.”
— Bob Hope

122. “Everybody knows what California smog is – that’s fog with the vitamins removed.”
— Bob Hope

123. “President Eisenhower has given up golf for painting. It takes fewer strokes.”
— Bob Hope

124. “All British castles and old country homes are supposed to be haunted. It’s in the lease.”
— Bob Hope

125. “Vice President Spiro Agnew can not cheat on his score : because all you have to do is look back down the fairway and count the wounded.”
— Bob Hope

126. “A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?”
— Bob Hope

127. “Ronald Reagan is not a typical politician because he doesn’t know how to lie, cheat, and steal. He’s always had an agent for that.”
— Bob Hope

128. “Go figure a crazy, mixed-up country where ballet outsells boxing. I wouldn’t be surprised if their wrestling was on the level.”
— Bob Hope

129. “The big difference in those days was that in England the Government subsidized TV, in America we work on TV so we can subsidize the Government.”
— Bob Hope

130. “Dying is to be avoided because it can ruin your whole career.”
— Bob Hope

131. “I have a wonderful make-up crew. They’re the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.”
— Bob Hope

132. “It was a great honour to be inducted into the Hall of Fame. I didn’t know they had a caddie division.”
— Bob Hope

133. “Most of the people who came for dancing lessons had Rumba ambitions and minuet bodies.”
— Bob Hope

134. “I have this terrific make-up man. But he’s expensive. I have to bring him in from Lourdes.”
— Bob Hope

135. “Everybody is afraid they won’t have any money after they die, but Jack Benny discovered a way to take it with him. He had his appendix taken out and a piggy bank put in.”
— Bob Hope

136. “I don’t know if the presidential candidates are running for the White House or Animal House.”
— Bob Hope

137. “You can calculate Zsa Zsa Gabor’s age by the rings on her fingers.”
— Bob Hope

138. “The old water heater in my dressing room was working, but it was kind of tired. It gave off about as much warmth as an agent’s handshake.”
— Bob Hope

139. “Seventy years of ad-lib material, and I am speechless.”
— Bob Hope

140. “Now that the war is winding down, I want to say I do appreciate you fellows hanging around here – just for me.”
— Bob Hope

141. “It’s a wonderful way to live, and not a bad way to go, either. The average Frenchman is still smiling three months after he’s dead.”
— Bob Hope

142. “Whenever I play with him, I usually try to make it a foursome – the President, myself, a paramedic and a faith healer.”
— Bob Hope

143. “It’s a wonderful world. It may destroy itself but you’ll be able to watch it all on TV.”
— Bob Hope

144. “You know you’ve reached middle age when your weightlifting consists merely of standing up.”
— Bob Hope

145. “Personally, I never drink on Oscar nights, as it interferes with my suffering.”
— Bob Hope

146. “Every Naval vessel has a contingent of Marines aboard. After all, the Sailors have to have someone to dance with.”
— Bob Hope

147. “I was lucky, you know, I always had a beautiful girl and the money was good. Although I would have done the whole thing over for, oh, perhaps half.”
— Bob Hope

148. “At the Academy Award Dinners all the actors and actresses in Hollywood gather around to see what someone else thinks about their acting besides their press agents.”
— Bob Hope

149. “Isn’t it fun to go out on the course and lie in the sun?”
— Bob Hope

150. “You’ve got to be rich to have a swing like that.”
— Bob Hope